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Supporting Children When They Are Distressed:  3 "C'S" they Really Need From Us

5/24/2022

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When young children are upset, they usually need help from adults to calm down.  And the more upset they are, the more help they need!

When children are distressed, acting out, or having a tantrum or a meltdown, they don't often know what to do.  Sometime as adults we don't know what to do, either!  We may try distraction ("Look at this book"), reassurance ("You're okay"), questioning ("Why are you crying?),  reasoning ("We have to clean up so we can have our snack") or consequences ("You need to be by yourself until you can calm down").  Unfortunately, these efforts don't always work as well as we'd like.

Brain research  and experts in child development, psychology and psychiatry show us a better way (1, 2, 4, 7).  To handle their upset, children need three things from adults:  Connection, help with calming, and to be treated with empathy and compassion.  In my Framework of Emotional Support, I call these the 3 C's.  Let's look at strategies for each of the 3 C's.

Connection​

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Brain research tell us that "the single most common factor for children who develop resilience is at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult” (2).

To connect with children, stay close!  If the child is comforted by touch, by all means hug them, rub their back or stroke their hair. If touch doesn't calm the child, get on their level and stay within an arm's length.

​Here are two more strategies for connecting with upset children:

  • ​Show pictures of people being cared for or hugged.  Research show this diminishes the fight, flight or freeze response (5).
  • Try singing.!  Here's an example from my preschool classroom:  The children enjoyed reading the book,  Love You Forever by Robert Munsch,  In the story there's a song about a parent's unconditional love ("I'll love you forever / I'll like you for always / As long as I'm living / My baby you'll be.") I made up my own ending to the song to comfort children in my class:  “As long as you need me / Your helper I’ll be”​

Calming

​Calming  is part of co-regulation, the adult strategies we use to help children manage overwhelming emotions.

To calm an upset child, first we must remain or regain calmness ourselves.  This is sometimes easier said than done if the child's behavior is triggering our own upset!  But there are several calming strategies we can apply to ourselves and to children:
  • Take deep breaths. Research shows that deep breathing slows the heartbeat, lowers or stabilizes blood pressure and lowers stress.
  • Think positive.  If we are thinking, “this kid is driving me crazy, then they will.  If we think instead, “she is doing the best she can.  I know how to help” then we can!​
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  • Be mindful.  Focus on the here and now.   Notice your body and your surroundings.
  • Get curious.  Ask yourself about your feelings and the child’s: How am I feeling?  Why? What does this child need from me right now?
  • Engage the senses.  Focus on what you are seeing, touching, hearing, smelling, and/or tasting.
  • Move!  Research shows that strenuously using the large muscles in the body helps to reduce the stress chemicals released during upset, which then helps us calm.

Compassion

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The first step in showing compassion is to give empathy.  Let children know that you understand how they are feeling.  Notice without judging; communicate that all feelings are acceptable.

Give empathy according to the child’s state of mind:  
When a child is acting out physically (flailing on the floor, hitting, throwing, etc.), reflect what their body is doing:  "Your face is going like this..."

When children are crying, name-calling, whining, threatening, notice what you think they are feeling:  "You seem angry."

When children are complaining about the problem, commiserate with what they are saying:  "It's hard when..."
After giving empathy, show compassion by offering to help the child deal with the feeling.  Let them know "I'm here to help."  Your job is to help them deal with the feeling, not to "give in" to what the child wanted that started their upset.

I hope these strategies help you support upset children with the  3 C's of connection, calming, and compassion.

Later, when children are calm and ready to learn, we can provide the other support they need.  We can build their capacity for self-regulation and resilience by teaching them what to do instead and applying other strategies and environmental supports to help them handle future challenges.  Watch for the next blog post for information about this fourth "C'.".

References and Resources:

  1. ​Bailey, B. (2015) Conscious discipline; Building resilient classrooms (expanded & updated ed.). Oviedo, FL: Loving Guidance, Inc.  
  2. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.) Key concepts:  Resilience https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/  developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/
  3. Gillespie, L. G., & Seibel, N. (2006). Self-regulation: A cornerstone of early childhood development. Young children, 61(4), 34-39.
  4. Greene, R. (n.d.) Walking tour for parents. Lives in the Balance.  https://www.livesinthebalance.org/ 
  5. Norman, L et al., 2015. Attachment-security priming attenuates amygdala activation to social and linguistic threat.  Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience,10 (6), 832–839. https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/10/6/832/1734249
  6. Rice, M. (2012). Understanding the importance of self-regulation for preschoolers. Innovations and Perspectives. Virginia Commonwealth University.
  7. YouTube.  (2012, Feb 28). Dan Siegel - Connecting to Calm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aV3hp_eaoiE
  8. YouTube.  (2020, Mar 17). Hello Breath:  Listen.  Mind Yeti ​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIPMk9qHJBQ&list=PLiaUKiwbiHMQDQLCXoPaMMYotldKlUQCw&index=2
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7 Tips for Supporting Children with Autism

4/28/2022

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(Written with Marjorie Wild)
As Autism Acceptance Month draws to a close, we want to offer some practical tips that may be helpful for children on the autism spectrum and those who support and care for them.

​Each child is unique. This is no less true for children whose diagnosis falls under the broad criteria of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).


Children are diagnosed with ASD when they have persistent difficulties with communication and social interaction, and when they have patterns of behavior that differ.  But these are the challenges; these children have many strengths as well.  Our job is not only to provide support for the skills that are lagging but also to notice and nuture their unique abilities and talents.  After all, isn't this what we do for all our children?
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In honor of Autism Acceptance Month, here are 7 tips for working with children on the autism spectrum:
1.  Find ways to teach children skills that will help them interact
When a child wants to join a play group, be a social coach to all the children in your care. Model appropriate peer support and acceptance whether the environment includes classmates, family or friends.
2.  Use clear and concise language
Give simple directions.  Avoid multistep directions or asking the same thing a different way before the child has had time to process and respond. Allowing ample wait time helps young children and all those who may need extra time to process directions or requests.
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3.  Provide a set daily routine and let children know of any changes
Use visual schedules to support children’s understanding and processing of these routines and changes. If possible, have a paraprofessional or caring adult do a walk-through with a child ahead of a new or changed routine, such as when a cafeteria or auditorium is not filled with other students.
4.  Keep choices clear and limited
If a child is likely to be overwhelmed by too many choices or has limited verbal skills, offer two acceptable choices, such as apples or grapes for snack. (If a child is non-verbal the choice can be made using pictures or the items.) If offering acceptable activity choices following an inappropriate behavior, an example might be, “You can help your friends in the block area build their wall, or you can build something with your own blocks. You cannot knock their blocks down.”
5.  Keep objects on hand that children find comfortable or reassuring
Have a designated calming space tailored to the needs of the children in your care. This can include sensory soothers like our eepworm products, a beanbag chair, weighted vest, or a child’s favorite jacket. Teachers and families can work together to find calming solutions unique to each child.
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6.  Make consequences consistent and natural
Help children understand and predict consequences by being consistent. As with consistent routines, there can be comfort and calming in predictability and in consequences that are natural, like putting a toy away before beginning a new activity.
7.  Identify what triggers strong reactions
Be aware of how a child’s sensory sensitivity may be affecting his/her behavior and how that affects their ability to self-regulate. A child whose brain is in fight, flight or freeze mode because of a sensory trigger will need help with calming before he/she can process a lesson or reflect on the behavior. Remove distractions such as noise or an overstimulating visual background  when necessary.
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Having a month dedicated to increasing our understanding of any issue should serve to move us forward in our thinking and future actions. Being mindful of our own understanding of autism can change personal interactions and behaviors, fostering attitudes of acceptance.

What helps you accept children's differences?
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How do you support their challenges while also nurturing their strengths?

References & Resources:
Albert Einstein College of Medicine Autism Spectrum Disorder Defined. (2013, Jan 15).  https://youtu.be/bo4-5xnRcYU
Center on the Social Emotional Foundations of Early Learning. (n.d.). Resources:  Preschool training modules.  http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/training_preschool.html#mod3b 
Ganz, J.B. & M.M. Flores. (2010). Implementing visual cues for young children with autism spectrum disorders and their classmates.  Young Children 65 (3):  78-83.
Head Start Center for Inclusion.  (n.d.). Classroom visuals and supports. Teacher Tools.  http://headstartinclusion.org/teacher-tools#visual
Kaplan Early Learning Company.  (n.d.).  Supporting children with autism.  https://www.kaplanco.com/ii/autism
National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Autism spectrum disorder.  https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-asd/index.shtml
OCALI Autism Certification Center (n.d.).  ASD strategies in action. https://autismcertificationcenter.org/
Villa, J. & L. Colker.  (2006).  A personal story:  making inclusion work.  Young Children 61 (1):  96-100.
Willis, C.  (2009).  Young children with autism spectrum disorder:  strategies that work.  Young Children 64 (1):  81-89.
Willis, C.  (2006). Teaching Young Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder.  Beltsville, MD: Gryphon House.
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5 Tips for teaching SEL

3/8/2022

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Written with Kristen K. Carroll
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A Day to celebrate social emotional learning is coming up!
Won't you join the movement?
​Promote SEL today and every day!

What is Social Emotional Learning?
According to Committee for Children, "Social-emotional learning (SEL) is the process of developing the self-awareness, self-control, and interpersonal skills that are vital for school, work, and life success." www.cfchildren.org/what-is-social-emotional-learning/
To celebrate SEL Day, we're sharing five ideas for promoting SEL in your classroom, program, school, or home:
1.  Help children become aware of their feelings. 
Helping children label their feelings with appropriate words gives them an important tool for self-regulation. 
Even very young children can learn to identify their feelings.  Start with the basics (happy, sad, mad, scared) with infants and toddlers, and add more precise words as children get older.  Search “children's feelings words” online for lists that build children’s emotional vocabulary.

Reading books about feelings is a great way to boost awareness.  Our own book "EEPWORM’s Emotional Day" addresses many different feelings that yellow eepworm experiences in a single day, and introduces a helpful mindfulness strategy for dealing with one of them.  In our note for parents and teachers, we provide 15 different feelings words  to guide your discussion about the emotions in the story.    ​
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2.  Post a feelings chart in your classroom or home.
There are lots of examples of feelings charts you can use in your classroom or home.  Providing one with pictures of faces helps young children understand and label their emotions.  But feelings charts aren't just for kids!
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One of my favorite feelings charts was developed by Marc Brackett, the Founder and Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence as part of his RULER approach to social-emotional learning.  His "Mood Meter" helps us chart our feelings in 2 dimensions, pleasantness and energy.  The chart groups feelings into 4 color groups, blue, green, yellow and red.  Look for the Ruler Mood Meter online.  There’s an app for it - check it out!
3.  Cultivate an attitude of gratitude and positivity.
Feeling grateful and thinking positive can help to create a calm and joyful classroom. Model expressions of gratitude, and encourage children to feel and express gratitude.  When we feel grateful for the positive things in life, it's easier to  treat others with more kindness and compassion.
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Think positive!
​We can also make the effort to focus on what we and the children can do, not what we or they can't.  Even when we get challenged by a child’s – or an adult’s - behavior, we can try to think positive thoughts:  “I’ve got this,” or “I can stay calm and help this person.” ​
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4.  Provide practice of problem-solving.
​ Problem solving skills take a lot of practice and can be learned through opportunities for peer conflict resolution. Encouraging children to attempt to figure out how to solve a problem on their own promotes independence and self-confidence.  Practice can also come from discussing scenarios and providing feedback on various solutions.  When children learn to have healthy discussions and use active listening, they develop respect for others' opinions, even when they disagree.

In my preschool classroom, I taught children a simple method of problem-solving.  I coached them through the process, and eventually they could solve problems themselves!
  • Define the problem ("It looks like you both want to play with the truck")
  • Brainstorm solutions ("What do you want now?" Let each child tell what they want.)
  • Evaluate the solutions ("Will it work if...)
  • Choose one both can agree on ("You've agreed to each play with it for 5 minutes")
  • Help them implement the solution (Play a chance game to see who goes first, set a timer)
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5.  Put together a calm-down kit or area.
Gather materials that help children learn about feelings and how to handle them.  Include pictures, books, games that deal with feelings and a variety of sensory play items.  It's also helpful to provide art media, music and other creative expression activities.  And don't forget our own EEPWORM® toys!
We hope these ideas are helpful!  Share your ideas as well, and together we can promote SEL and help children thrive!
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An A-B-C of Ideas for Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

2/8/2022

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(Written with Kristen K. Carroll)
​It’s Black History month, a time to honor African-Americans whose contributions to our country have often been overlooked in the past.  We celebrate the Black leaders who, despite many adversities, have helped our nation in so many ways.  
​

It’s also a good time to boost our commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion.  We can do our part to ensure everyone’s contribution – past and present - is respected and valued in our classrooms and communities.
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First, let's define diversity, equity and inclusion.  Here's what the terms mean to me:
  • Diversity - there are differences in a group of people, such as culture, race, gender, family structure, religion, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, language, and abilities
  • Equity - we take into account what individuals need to be successful, instead of giving everyone the same thing (equality). 
  • Inclusion - everyone belongs and feels they are a valued member of the group
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​Now, here’s an “A-B-C” of ideas to inspire you:

A - Attitude
B - Books & Beyond
C - Classroom Activities/ Cool Ideas to Try at Home

Let’s dive in further!
​We encourage everyone to model inclusion and respect for diversity in your classroom, program, or home and in the community.  As we strive for equity, we can begin with a examination of our attitude. 

A – Attitude
Are we demonstrating that differences are to be celebrated, that everyone belongs, and that we can meet each child where they are, providing what they need to reach challenging but achievable goals? When we have an attitude of respect for others, we exude that mindset and demonstrate it to our children through our actions and words.
B- Books...
A great way to show children our attitude of honoring diversity and inclusion is through the wonderful world of books! 
Here are a just a few suggestions to reinforce kindness, inclusion, and respect for all. ​
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3-6yrs: It’s Okay to Be Different by Todd Parr
A classic multicultural preschool story that shows an array of different shades and colors of people, that look very different from one another. This book is a wonderful vehicle for diversity for young children. ​
4yrs and up: Whoever You Are by Mem Fox
This book offers a preschool-friendly introduction to diversity.  It emphasizes that no matter what our customs are, all around the globe we share the same feelings and can relate to one other. ​
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5-8yrs: I am Enough by Grace Byers
Not only does this book focus on being kind to one and other, it also encourages self-confidence and a love of being different. 
...And Beyond
​Another way to honor diversity and model inclusion would be to include depictions of or interactions with people of all races, abilities and other social identities throughout your classroom or home environment.  Are multicultural dolls and pictures of all types of people easily accessible to your children?  Do you provide opportunities for your children to interact with people from all backgrounds and walks of life?
C- Classroom Activities/ Cool Ideas to Try at Home
That leads us to activities to do in the classroom or at home. Here are some ideas for reinforcing kindness, honoring diversity, and encouraging inclusion:
  • Provide a variety of cooking implements and pretend foods in your home center 
  • Cook and discuss various dishes from many different cultures and countries
  • Listen to music from around the world (and from different time periods, too), providing instruments from different cultures in your music center
  • Encourage children to make life-size self-portraits, providing butcher paper, mirrors and art media with accurate colors for skin, hair and eyes​
  • Entice children to play in all learning centers, going beyond gender stereotypes in the materials you provide in each
  • At "show and tell", encourage children to share about experiences rather than possessions
  • Read books flexibly, substituting fathers and other family members for the mothers in the stories
  • Emphasize abilities rather than disabilities, and provide adaptive equipment for all children to explore
For many more ideas (and another version of A-B-C -- Anti Bias Curriculum!), see the book Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves by Louise Derman-Sparks, Julie Olsen Edwards, and Catherine M. Goins.
Here is a description of the book from NAEYC:
"More than ever, young children need educators who can help them navigate and thrive in a world of great diversity, educators who can give them and their families the tools to make the world a more fair place for themselves and for each other.
You can be that educator in children’s lives. This classic resource, now expanded and updated, is your guide to building a strong anti-bias program, including learning to know yourself.
Whether you’re new to anti-bias work or seasoned in it, you’ll find inspiration and support here as you walk this journey and meet and work with other travelers."


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As we implement activities to honor diversity and inclusion, let’s remember to incorporate them year-round.  Avoid a “tourist approach,” where children “visit” other cultures only during holidays or special occasions; instead, provide activities that broaden children’s awareness of different ways of doing things.

As we are reminded to honor Black historical figures this month, let’s remember all the ways that we can show our respect for them – and others, in the past and in the present – throughout the entire year. ​
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Four Mindfulness Tips for a Calmer Classroom in 2022

1/24/2022

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Happy 2022!

Did you make New Year's resolutions this month?  After making the same ones year after year - and not managing to keep them - I decided to try something different.
Here are my resolutions for this year:  To choose joy, to be of service, and to take action towards my goals.
To choose joy, I've been using a gratitude practice of thinking of three good things in my life as soon as I wake up in the morning.  What a helpful way to start the day with a positive attitude!  ​
I've been practicing several other mindfulness exercises daily over the past year, and they have really helped me to take more control over how I think, feel and act.  Research shows mindfulness can help all of us, both children and adults, to develop our capacity for self-regulation. It helps to lengthen the sliver of time between when something triggers us and our reaction to it.  In that tiny moment, we can choose to calm ourselves and respond in an intentional way.
How much calmer our classrooms - and our lives - would be if we could all do this all the time!  (Don't worry, none of us can, but it's a good goal to strive for!)
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Check out my previous blog post on mindfulness activities for children.  Remember that we need to teach these strategies when children are calm and provide lots of opportunities for practice.  Eventually children will be able to practice mindfulness themselves when they are upset.  What a valuable skill for life-long self-regulation - and for a calmer classroom in the meantime!

Here are four more mindfulness activities to help you to cultivate calmness in your classroom or home life.  Please share your own as well - let's support one another as we strive for a better 2022!
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1.  Breathing Square
Taking a series of slow, deep "belly breaths" helps calm the fight or flight stress response for children - and adults, too!
In this exercise, children learn to hold their breath after inhaling and exhaling.  Teach children to use the breathing square when they are calm, and encourage them to practice it often.  (Transitions are a great time for calming!)
​Post a breathing square in the calming center in your classroom. Then the next time someone gets upset, encourage him or her to use it (or another of their favorite calming exercises). Eventually your children will have lots of ways to calm down, and will do it more often without your help!
2.  Mindfulness 5-4-3-2-1
Help children notice what their senses are taking in.  Have them sit quietly and focus on one sense at a time.  Even when they are not eating or drinking anything, they can learn to notice what’s in their mouths!
You can teach this activity either individually or in groups.  Simply remind children first to breathe slowly and deeply.  Then slowly guide them through noticing:
  • 5 things they can see 
  • 4 things they can touch 
  • 3 things they can hear 
  • 2 things they can smell 
  • 1 thing they can taste
If everyone participates in this as a group activity, there will be an immediate difference in the calmness of your classroom!
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3. High Five Breathing
Show and tell the children what to do:
  • Hold up one hand with all the fingers outstretched
  • Trace around your hand while taking slow belly breaths:
  • Starting with your pinkie finger, inhale while tracing your finger from bottom to top of their pinkie
  • Briefly pause and hold your breath when your finger reaches the top of your pinkie
  • Exhale as you trace your finger down the other side of their pinkie.
  • Repeat with the other fingers and your thumb.  
Children should feel calmer and more relaxed after this exercise.  If you do it with them, you should, too!


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4.  Mindfulness Walk
When you can, step out of the classroom for a while. Research shows that nature has a calming effect on your brain! 
Here's how to take a mindfulness walk:  Engage your five senses to bring  awareness to your surroundings. You can also be mindful of the sensations in your body as well.  As you walk, ask the children these questions, pausing long enough for them to think of the answers.  For a quiet activity, tell them just to think, not tell!
  • How do your legs, feet and arms feel?
  • What do you see?
  • What do you hear?
  • What do you smell?
  • Can you taste anything?
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Add these four mindfulness activities to your repertoire, and please share your favorites with us.
​We at ECS are wishing you a happy, healthy, and calmer 2022!
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7 Mindfulness Quotes for Holiday Self-Care

12/20/2021

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It's the week before Christmas
and all through the house
Are things I've not done;
I feel like a louse!
I still need to decorate, 
shop, 
clean house, and cook,
I'll be so embarrassed
​if friends stop by for a look!
But then I remember
to heed this advice:

Be mindful, practice gratitude
- that would feel nice.

As I take some deep breaths
for a moment or two,

I feel less overwhelmed
and more peaceful, too!
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I hope these quotes will inspire you to use mindfulness to take care of yourself as well.  Try focusing your attention on your breath, your body, or your surroundings.  Or use awareness as you do an activity you find relaxing, such as walking or jogging; dancing or listening to music; journaling, drawing, or painting; sewing, baking or gardening.  You may also want to focus your mind on positive thoughts, like the people and the things you are grateful for and the things you've been able to accomplish.  
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When the stress of the holidays - or life in general - gets you down, try a few mindfulness practices.  Perhaps, as they did for me today, they will help you feel a little calmer.
​
All of us at ECS are wishing you peace and happiness this holiday season!
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7 Mindfulness Activities for Children

11/22/2021

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Mindfulness activities help build children's capacity for self-regulation.  If you teach these activities when children are calm and provide lots of opportunities for practice, children may be able to do some of them when they are upset.  They'll need lots of help, especially at first:  You can model the activity (not just once or twice, but many times), then provide prompts or cues (little reminders to use the activities).  Eventually your children may be able to use mindfulness activities independently.  A bonus is that you'll have fewer tantrums and meltdowns to handle. 
Incorporate some of these mindfulness activities into your program or home life.  You'll be teaching a valuable life skill - and helping to create calmness in your life, too!
Here are seven mindfulness activities that may be fun for children and adults, too.  Watch this blog for lots more mindfulness ideas for children and some encouragement for you as well!  (f you don't want to wait, check out this year's posts on social media (@earlychildhoodspecialties on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.)  I'd love to hear your own activity ideas in the comments, so please share.  We're all in this together!
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For toddlers, blowing bubbles can be a good introduction to mindfulness.  When they are upset, rather than simply distracting them with a toy, blow some bubbles.   You can say something like “bye-bye sad,” which will eventually help children connect bubble blowing with the idea of letting go. Take slow, gentle breaths and encourage the children to do the same.
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Research shows that taking deep breaths helps calm the fight or flight stress response for children and adults.  Deep breathing is a great place to start practicing mindfulness, and there are so many activities to try - here I'm sharing just two.
​You don't have to serve hot chocolate for this activity!  Just let the children pretend they are holding a cup of cocoa and practice breathing gently in and out. What other foods can your children pretend to smell and cool down with their breath?
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The most important part of deep or "belly breathing" is to focus on your breath going in and out.  You can also practice taking deeper breaths by concentrating on using your diaphragm, the muscle under your lungs that goes down when you breathe in and up when you breathe out.  One way to help you do this is to put your hand on your belly.  You should see your belly go out as you breathe in and go in as you breathe out.  If you're new at this, it's easiest to do while lying on your back.
Children may enjoy having a stuffed animal or toy on their belly and watching it go up and down.  This is a great activity for helping children relax for nap or rest time!
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Besides deep breathing, sensory experiences such as eating provide a wonderful opportunity to practice mindfulness.
During a meal or snack, help slow down the experience and try to get children to engage the five senses to notice everything about their food.  Here are some questions you could ask:
-How does it look?
-How does it smell?
-How does it feel to your fingers or on your fork?  How does it feel in your mouth?
-How does it taste?
-How does it sound when you break or cut it?  When you bite or chew it?
Eating mindfully may have the added benefits of helping all of you enjoy the food and one another.  It will probably mealtime calmer, too!
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You probably already have a sensory play area in your classroom or home.  You can suggest mindful play by encouraging children to focus on the sensations of their fingers and both sides of their hands as they explore.  They may also want to notice what they smell and hear as well. Rotate through a variety of wet and dry sensory materials, and provide sensory bins both indoors and outdoors.
Some of my favorite sensory materials are kinetic sand and water beads.  Which ones do your children enjoy most?
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Another type of mindfulness activities is guided meditation. Here's one to try:
​Have children lie on their backs and close their eyes.  Ask them to take a few deep breaths, noticing how their bellies move in and out.

Then ask them to pay attention to other parts of their bodies one at a time, relaxing them if they can.  You may want to limit the number of parts at first (perhaps starting with feet, legs, belly, arms, hands).
As you guide children through this exercise, calmly talk with them about how their body parts may feel.  Reassure them that it’s hard to relax sometimes, and encourage them to keep trying.  With practice they will improve!
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This is a great mindfulness activity that also helps children to practice gratitude - it's perfect to try as Thanksgiving approaches!
When children are calm, ask them to think of three good things happening in their lives. Practice this often, and it may help children – and you – develop an attitude of gratitude.
Let children know that when we are feeling unhappy, it’s okay to feel sad.  But when we do, thinking of three good things can help us feel better.
So now you have a few ideas for mindfulness activities for children.  I hope they bring you and your children calmness as we approach the hectic end-of-year holiday season!

References & Resources

  • Bergstrom, C. (2019). Ultimate mindfulness activity book: 150 playful mindfulness activities for kids and teens (and grown-ups too!).  
  • Bertin, M. (n.d.). A calming body scan: Mindfulness for kids.*
  • Greenland, S. K. (n.d.). An Appreciation Practice for Children.*
  • Rogers, S. (n.d.).  Be like nature: Mindfulness for preschoolers. Mindful.*
*Available at www.mindful.org/mindfulness-for-kids/​ 
​
Thanks to Shareen Ratnani for sharing her presentation, "Let's Talk Mindfulness Activities for Children", presented on February 10, 2021 at Bonnie's Global Cafe for the World Forum on Early Care and Education.  Find some of her mindfulness activities on her YouTube channel.


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7 Benefits of mindfulness for children and adults - and Classrooms, too!

10/27/2021

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Mindfulness means being aware of the present moment without judging it. Research shows that focusing on the "here and now" has many benefits for all of us, no matter our ages or the settings in which we interact with children. 
I've been on a mission to be more mindful, and I have been sharing encouraging quotes and teaching tips about mindfulness on social media (@earlychildhoodspecialties on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn) throughout much of 2021.  Check out the posts, or watch this blog for lots of simple and fun mindfulness practices that adults can model and teach children.
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For now, let's focus on the "why."  How can we, our children, and our classrooms benefit from  practicing mindfulness and from teaching it to children?  Personally, I've found that practicing mindfulness this past year has helped me to handle the stress that the COVID-19 pandemic has added to my life.  I've also noticed improvement in these seven benefits of mindfulness that research demonstrates or suggests:
1.  Mindfulness helps us manage our emotions in stressful situations.
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When we're stressed out, we don't do our best thinking or self-regulating.  We may tend to react to things that trigger us, rather than responding in a thoughtful, compassionate and intentional way.  Mindfulness helps to lengthen the amount of time between when something upsets us and when we react, so we are more likely to respond in a way that reflects the best version of ourselves.
2.  Mindfulness allows us to accept ourselves without judgment.
When we are mindful, we accept whatever is happening without judging it.  That includes self-judgment.  My whole life I've had a tendency to beat myself up over mistakes, while forgiving others theirs.  By becoming mindful, I've learned to focus more on "What can I learn from this?" and "How can I make amends? and less on "I'm an idiot!" or "I can't do anything right!"  This shift in mindset actually helps me make fewer mistakes (although I still make plenty) and puts me on the path to become the best version of myself that I can be.
3.  Mindfulness can lower our anxiety level and reduce stress.
The past two years have been especially stressful for me; I bet they have been for you as well.  So we all can probably use some assistance in reducing our stress and anxiety levels.  In looking at research on perceived stress for early childhood teachers, I discovered that mindfulness does just that.  In early childhood classrooms, mindfulness has the added benefit of improving classroom climate for both adults and children. (2)
4.  Mindfulness can help us get along better with others.
 A recent study demonstrated that mindfulness programs helped children to become more considerate, helpful, and caring.  They were also more likely to share and to be kind to younger children. (6)  This finding is consistent with other research showing that mindfulness activities at school help to promote prosocial behaviors. 
5.  Mindfulness can improve our attentional processes.
In a study of the effects of mindfulness training on three- and four-year olds, the children greatly improved their ability to focus their attention. (3) This makes sense, because the mindfulness activities the children practiced included belly breathing and paying attention to a specific sensory system.  They also learned to relax and to gain awareness of each body part.  Other research (i.e., 5) has demonstrated improved attention for older children and adults, including those with autism and ADHD.  So there’s a benefit for everyone to improve their focus!
6.  Mindfulness helps us to build resilience.
Resilience is the ability to "bounce back" after facing a setback or challenge.  While all adults and children can build their resilience by being mindful, research demonstrates that some children can especially benefit:  Children with mental, emotional, or behavioral conditions, and those who have been exposed to traumatic experiences. (1)  
If there are children experiencing these problems in your classroom or home, try helping them practice a few mindfulness activities - and practice them yourself when their behaviors "push your buttons".  The practice of mindfulness in conjunction with a strong relationship will do wonders to help you and your children handle and prevent those troublesome behaviors.
This brings us to the next benefit of mindfulness...
 7.  Mindfulness can improve our classroom management.
Research shows that teachers’ mindfulness decreases challenging behaviors and increases children’s compliance with teacher requests. (4)  Who doesn't want to see fewer challenging behaviors in their classroom or home?  Mindfulness helps us change our perception, viewing children with positive intent (assuming they are doing the best they can under the circumstances) and their troublesome behavior as an opportunity to teach children how to do better. 
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With all these benefits of mindfulness, why not give it a try?  Remember, mindfulness is something we develop though practice, not something we're born with. We can all learn to do it, both children and adults.  And the good news is, practicing mindfulness only takes a moment!  

​So anytime you have a minute or two, try a mindfulness activity like focusing on your breathing.  When you do, you'll be benefitting yourself, your children,  and your classroom, too!

​Again, watch for upcoming blog posts to get lots of ideas and resources about mindfulness, and please share your own mindfulness practices in the comments.
​
​I'm wishing you peace and wellness!
​


References

  1. Bethell, C., Gombojav, N., Solloway, M., & Wissow, L. (2016).  Adverse childhood experiences, resilience and mindfulness-based approaches: Common denominator issues for children with emotional, mental, or behavioral Problems. Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 25(2): 139–156. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4863233/
  2. DiCarlo, C.F., Meaux, A.B. & LaBiche, E.H.  (2020).  Exploring mindfulness for perceived teacher stress and classroom climate. Early Childhood Educ J 48, 485–496.      https://doi.org/10.1007/s10643-019-01015-6 
  3. LI Quan, SONG Yanan, LIAN Bin, FENG Tingyong. (2019). Mindfulness training can improve 3-and 4-year-old children’s attention and executive function. Acta Psychologica Sinica, 51(3), 324-336.
  4. Singh, N. N., Lancioni, G.E., Winton, A. S., Karazsia, B. T., & Singh, J. (2013) Mindfulness training for teachers changes the behavior of their preschool students, Research in Human Development, 10(3), 211-233, DOI: 10.1080/15427609.2013.818484
  5. Tarrasch, R.  (2018). The effects of mindfulness practice on attentional functions among primary school children.  J Child Fam Stud 27, 2632–2642  https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1073-9
  6. Viglas, M., Perlman, M.  (2018).  Effects of a mindfulness-based program on young children’s self-regulation, prosocial behavior and hyperactivity.  J Child Fam Stud 27, 1150–1161.  link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10826-017-0971-6​​
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8 Inspirational Quotes about Adult-Child Relationships

9/20/2021

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The most important thing adults can do for children is to provide them with a warm, caring relationship.  Be their attachment figure, the special person they can turn to with trust that their needs will be met.  Whatever role you play in the lives of young children, you are making an impact both now and for their lifetimes.  By nurturing responsive relationships with children, you are not only providing the secure base that allows them to explore their world.  You are also setting a strong foundation for the learning, behavior, and health in their futures, by helping them build strong brains with the capacity to be self-regulated and resilient.
As young children's caregivers and teachers, we have an incredibly important and challenging job.  Here are a few of my favorite motivational quotes to encourage you.  
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​Encouragement from ECS:
Here's a quote from a child development theorist that reminds us of the most important thing young children need to thrive - Love!
Urie Bronenbrenner was a renowned developmental psychologist whose work helped to establish the federal Head Start program.  His Ecological Systems Theory stressed that the environments in which children grow deeply affect their development.  Bronfenbrenner showed how policies and programs that support families, communities, and the larger society have a huge impact on children's health and well-being. (6)
Within our family, child care, and educational environments, we can support children by showing them we really care, no matter what!
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Rita Pierson was a passionate educator from here in Houston, Texas.  She was an advocate for underserved children and understood the importance of teacher-child relationships for students' learning and self-esteem.  For some powerful inspiration, watch her TED talk; you'll be in good company - it has been viewed over 13 million times! 
​She encourages us to go the extra mile for our children, no matter how challenging it is - or they are! Although Pierson has passed away, her legacy lives on. 
​You have it in you to be the champion for the children you teach, even the "tough ones" - they are the ones who need you the most.  Let's follow Rita's example and make a difference in all our children's lives!
When you give the gift of a smile to a child, you receive one as well - even if the child doesn't smile back. 
Mother Teresa, a Catholic Saint and founder of the Missions of Charity, is known worldwide for her service to the poorest of the poor in Calcutta, India.
We can't all rise to the level of service that Mother Teresa devoted her life to, but we can serve our children by doing our best to meet their needs. We can start with the simplest of things - a smile!  It will help them feel our love and care.  Try smiling more with your children - it will brighten their days and yours!
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A wonderful way to improve children's behavior is to focus on strengthening your relationships. 
PJ Caposey is an award-winning educator and author who is currently serving as a school district superintendent in Illinois.  Caposey advocates for improvement of school systems, believing that an emphasis on teacher-student relationships are a big part of the needed change.  He tells us that "great teachers have the goal of serving and connecting with students first - not creating a compliant culture." (3).
So be a great teacher of young children.  You can start by Just having fun with your kids.  You will be strengthening your connections and improving behavior at the same time!
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Children who are exhibiting challenging behaviors are crying out for connection.  It's difficult to feel loving toward a child who is hurting others or us, but we must give them what they need in that moment: connection and emotional safety.
Dr. Becky Bailey, founder of Conscious Discipline®, is "an award-winning author, renowned teacher and internationally recognized expert in childhood education and developmental psychology." (4)  She encourages us to see children with positive intent:  Assume that they are doing the best they can and that they need our help to do better. 
How can we help children improve their behavior?  Start with a strong, caring relationship!
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Dr. Bruce Perry is a renowned clinician and researcher specializing in children’s mental health.  His clinical research and practice has focused on the effects of neglect and trauma in children as well as in adolescents and adults. His work has been "instrumental in describing how childhood experiences, including neglect and traumatic stress, change the biology of the brain – and, thereby, the health of the child." Dr. Perry's "Neurosequential Model©, a developmentally sensitive, neurobiology-informed approach" to clinical work, education and caregiving is used by many organizations that serve at-risk children and their families. (1)
Dr. Perry's work illustrates that we can change children's lives for the better when we focus on our relationships with them. We may become the most influential person in a child's life, helping them develop to their full potential.  What can you do to help children to heal when they have experienced trauma?
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The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University "supports scientific research that can inform the testing, implementation, and refinement of strategies designed to achieve significantly better life outcomes for children facing adversity." (7)  Check out the Center's Resource Library for helpful videos, infographics and papers. 
Children need healthy relationships to thrive, and it's our job as caregivers to help build those relationships! What are some things you do to help children feel connected to you?
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John Bosco was an Italian priest who dedicated his life to the education of the poor, especially the boys working as child laborers in Turin, Italy. He modeled his belief that educators should act like caring parents; he demonstrated gentleness and kindness as he taught the boys and provided their lodging and other material needs. Bosco realized that for children to feel loved, educators must build friendly relationships with them, by sharing in their interests and joining in their play. (2)  He founded two religious orders to encourage others to emphasize love, reason and religion in their teaching.  After his death he was canonized a saint in the Roman Catholic Church.
St. John Bosco's quote that reminds us that the most important thing we can do for children is to help them feel loved - no matter what! This is especially important now when COVID has had everyone stressed. What are you doing that shows helps children know you care?

I hope these eight quotes help to encourage you as you do the difficult but rewarding work of educating the children in your care.  If you focus on establishing and strengthening your relationships with each of them, you will be giving them the strongest foundation for their future success.  You may also be giving yourself a gift as well:  You'll be sharing in the children's  joy and wonder as they discover the world around them!

References & Resources

  1. About Bruce D. Perry, M.D.,Ph.D. (n.d.). B.D. Perry, M.D.,Ph.D. https://www.bdperry.com/a-neurodevelopmental-approach​
  2. ​Bosco, Don (1884) ‘An exhortation to educators’, Rome, May 10, 1884. Available in the informal education archives: https://infed.org/mobi/an-exhortation-to-educators​​
  3. Ferlazzo, L. (March 24, 2014).  Response:  Great teachers focus on connections and relationships.  Education Week. www.edweek.org/teaching-learning/opinion-response-great-teachers-focus-on-connections-relationships/2014/03
  4. ​Meet Dr. Becky Bailey. (n.d.). Conscious Discipline.  https://consciousdiscipline.com/about/becky-bailey/
  5. ​Pierson, R.  (May 2013). Every kid needs a champion.  TED Talks Education.​www.ted.com/talks/rita_pierson_every_kid_needs_a_champion​
  6. ​Urie Bronfenbrenner. (n.d.). Bronfenbrenner Center for Translational Research.  bctr.cornell.edu/about-us/urie-bronfenbrenner
  7. What we do.  (n.d.).  Center on the Developing Child.   https://developingchild.harvard.edu/about/what-we-do/​
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15 positive guidance strategies that work - and teach!

8/30/2021

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Here are 15 tried and true positive guidance strategies that have been used successfully for decades and are still relevant today.  

​These “Guides to Speech and Action” were developed by Katherine Read Baker over 70 years ago. She wanted adults who work with young children to better understand themselves as well as the children, 
focusing on the feelings and attitudes behind our guidance techniques.

​​I was first introduced to these guides as a student teacher, and I've been using them ever since.  How many of them do you use? 
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​1. "State suggestions or directions in a positive form."​

Tell children what they should do instead of what they should not.  Keep directions simple so children will understand what is expected of them. Be specific so they know exactly how to follow your directions.  "Be nice" or "Share" may be too general to help children change their behavior.  "Use kind words like ___" or "Give it to her when you are finished playing with it" are more precise.
Here are a few more examples of positive instructions:

• “Use a soft voice” instead of “Don’t yell”
• “Walk” instead of “Don’t run”
• “Put your feet on the floor” rather than “Don’t climb on the table”

2. "Give the child a choice only when you intend to leave the situation up to him."

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Offer children choices as often as you can.  Young children don't have much say in their lives; adults are in charge of their schedules, what they eat, where they go, who is with them, and much more.  Giving choices helps children to feel a sense of control and to practice making decisions.  It also helps children to comply with your instructions with less resistance.  When you offer a choice immediately after stating something they must do, it may help children overcome the urge to refuse.  "It's time to clean up.  Would you like to start with the big blocks or the small ones?"
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Avoid asking questions or tagging your directions with “okay?” when the child does not have a choice.  If "No" is an unacceptable answer, don't ask - tell!

3. "Use your voice as a teaching tool."

Young children can be sensitive to adults' voices - they may perceive our tone as unfriendly or angry, even if we are not using a loud or harsh voice.  Use a pleasant tone that communicates "I like being with you" whenever possible.  To get children's attention, get close and use a quiet voice, or try singing.  When children must do something, be like Mary Poppins, "kind but extremely firm"! 

4. "Make health and safety of the children a primary concern."

The COVID-19 pandemic has certainly made all of us even more aware of the primary importance of children's health and safety.  Although we knew beforehand to wash hands diligently, to clean and sanitize toys, and to avoid sharing eating utensils, our current protocols have probably increased our vigilance of these and many other practices.  Even after the threat of this deadly disease has passed, we must continue to minimize the risk of communicable diseases.
The physical environment must also provide for safe play, both indoors and out. Survey all areas before allowing children to enter. Ensure all activities have adequate supervision.  [See guide #14 for more on supervising.]

5. "Use methods of guidance that build the child’s self-respect."

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We don't use words like "bad" or "dumb" to label children, but they may get these messages when we say things like, "You know better than than to hit your friends!  Go sit in time out until you can behave!"  Positive guidance should direct a child toward acceptable behavior, not communicate that they are unworthy or "less than."
​
Let's assume that, just like us, children do the best they can under the circumstances.  If they are not doing well, it's our job to help them do better.  Look for the reasons behind the behavior and give them the help they need.

6. "Help a child set standards based on his/her own past performance, rather than on comparison with peers."

Developmentally appropriate practice (DAP) requires that we meet children where they are and help them to meet challenging but achievable goals.  What one child is capable of may be very different from what another can do, so avoid comparing one child to another. Instead, point out the progress the child is making:  "Last week you couldn't walk all the way across the balance beam.  Today you did it!"  Avoid even subtle ways of using comparisons to influence behavior ("Susan is sitting quietly") and discourage competition between children, too.  Encourage cooperative play and helping others, and you will be improving children's behavior and self-esteem and developing a sense of community, too.

7. "Redirect the child in ways consistent with his purpose and interest."

Redirection is an extremely effective guidance strategy.  It works best when we suggest an alternative that meets the needs or interest that the child's behavior is communicating.  

​If the child is throwing blocks because he is angry, you can point him toward safer ways to express his strong feelings.  Tearing newspaper, pounding clay, or punching pillows might help.  If, on the other hand, the child is throwing blocks because he wants to throw or to knock things down, you could supply beanbags and safe objects to aim for.
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8. "Time directions and suggestions for maximum effectiveness."

Timing is important when guiding children’s behavior.  Children should be given a chance to work things out for themselves, but not get too frustrated or upset.  Remember DAP - goals should be challenging but achievable.
One consideration of timing your guidance is to notice the child's emotional state.  When they are really upset they are not ready to learn.  Save your guidance for a few minutes, and help them calm down and feel connected first.
​
Another timing tip is to set consequences that follow the behavior as soon as possible.  Having to leave the block area after deliberately knocking over another child's structure would be an example of an immediate consequence.  If you can't time it that way, at least connect the consequence to the behavior.  Having to clean up a large mess of one's making is a logical consequence; sitting out at playtime later in the day is not. 
[See guide #11 for more about following up on limits.]

9. "Observe the individual ways children use art media, explore the materials yourself, but avoid making models for children to copy."

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Children's art is a means of self-expression.  It's all about the process, not the product!
Children should be free to explore the media  and create whatever they choose. It's not "art" if you have an end product in mind, even if you don't show the model for children to copy.  
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Of course, you can give children guidance on using media and materials appropriately:
  • "Keep the glue on your paper"
  • "Move the brush gently back and forth. If you want to push hard, use the pounce brushes instead."​
You may also explore the media yourself.  Avoid judgements of children's creations, even positive ones.  Instead of saying you like a child's painting when asked, point out something you notice about the painting ("You used lots of red and blue") or about the child ("Your smile is telling me you are happy with it").

10. "Give the child the minimum of help in order that s/he may have the maximum chance to grow in independence."

Allowing children to do things themselves helps them to develop self-help skills. Even if they are struggling, they may not want our assistance, and we can show respect by honoring their wishes.  If a child asks for help, scaffold his or her learning by offering the least amount of help he or she needs to do the task. Over time, as children become more confident and skilled, they will need less and less help from adults.
​One note about this guide:  It's important to recognize cultural differences in doing for others; doing something the other person is capable of may be seen by some as a way of strengthening their relationship.

11. "Make your directions effective by reinforcing them when necessary."

​We often tell children "use your words" when they want something from a peer.  When we are guiding children, though, using our words may not be enough.  Glancing, gesturing, or getting nearer the child can all be cues as to what is expected.  We can also back up our words with verbal prompts or physical help. 
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It's important to use fewer words and simpler directions, following them up with a cue or prompt - or a choice, as mentioned earlier.  Give the child time to process your instructions first. You can say, "It's time to clean up now," as you hand the children the toy bins (a cue). If needed, follow up with prompt, "Put the wooden blocks in here" or a choice, “Would you like to put these blocks away or park the cars?”  (Giving children warnings in advance of a transition helps them shift their attention from one activity to the next as well.)
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12. "Learn to foresee and prevent rather than “mop up” after difficulty."

There is an old saying, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."  When guiding young children's behavior, anticipating and preventing problems is usually the best strategy by far.  Be especially sensitive to those children who experience difficulties getting along with others.  Entering a group of children at play is an incredibly difficult skill for some, and they benefit from us giving suggestions ahead of time rather than waiting until they encounter a problem.  T  Socially successful children observe the play and find a way to join in without disrupting it.  You can help other children do this as well. The better you know the children, the better you can anticipating their actions - and guide them toward success.

13. "Clearly define and consistently maintain limits when they are necessary."

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In a developmentally appropriate early childhood setting, there will be few "no's" - rules that must not be broken.  Adults'  job #1 is to set limits that protect children’s safety, safety of others and safety of property.   These limits are non-negotiable and should be applied consistently. 

​For other classroom rules, the children can be allowed to give input, and adjustments can be made for individual children or circumstances.  Try to help children understand the reason for the limits and what happens when they are not followed.  As mentioned, consequences should be related to the problem behavior and applied in a short enough time frame for children to make the connection.

14. "Use the most strategic positions for supervising."

Always be alert to the entire environment; supervise the children as if you are the only adult around.  Get into the habit of positioning yourself where you can see as much as possible, and move about to check on areas that are difficult to see at all times. For safety you must be able to observe all the children. Many times a teacher is often in a better Getting at the children’s level is ideal for supervising and for allowing the children to approach you.  Of course, if there are two or more adults, position yourselves in different areas so all may be seen.

15. "Increase your own awareness by observing and taking notes."

The early childhood classroom is a place for learning for children - and for adults as well!  Adults need to get to know each child's abilities, interests and needs.  To do this, they watch children carefully and record what they do and say.  Good teachers make observation and documentation part of their daily activities, so they can assess children's progress.  The assessment process may sound intimidating, but it doesn't need to be.  Use whatever system works for you to document what you see and hear: sticky notes, index cards, voice recording, picture taking, video recording, clipboards, etc.   Later you can use the information to assess how the child is progressing and to make follow-up plans.
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I hope you find these 15 guides as useful as I did when I  was a student and beginning teacher.  I wish you well as you use positive techniques to guide your children's behavior!  Coming up in future posts:  Handling and preventing challenging behaviors - stay tuned!

References

  • Copple, C. & S. Bredekamp. (2006). Basics of developmentally appropriate practice:  an introduction for teachers of children 3 to 6. Washington, DC:  NAEYC.
  • Read, K & Patterson, J.  (1980). The Nursery School and Kindergarten: Human Relationships and Learning, 7th ed.  New York:  Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 95-109.
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    I'm Diane Goyette, a Child Development Specialist, Trainer, Consultant and Keynote Speaker.  I'm excited to share my blog! 
    ​Whether you are a child care provider or administrator, a teacher, a parent, or a helping professional who supports young children and families, I hope you get some helpful tips to make your job easier and more enjoyable! 

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